October 15, 2010

Twig and Berries: The Boy Parts Post

So, before I start I have sort of a funny story about “twig and berries” that I have to share.

When I was 8 months pregnant with daughter #2 we sold our house. Long story, but basically we ended up living an hour north in a different state for 2 months because a work friend of my ex husband had a rental property we were allowed to live in. The closest town with groceries was about half an hour away. One day while driving down a main thoroughfare in town I noticed a lovely sign. It was sage green with twigs painted on it sprinkled with lovely red berries. I have often seen such twigs used to decorate and never really added two and two (which I am sure you have done) together until that day. On a side note many times other twigs with pussy willow on them are used to decorate.  Yes, I am a 12 year old boy. What made it click in my mind was the name of the shop, which was an antiques shop, “Twig and Berries.” I cannot make this up! They named a store that!!! I can’t help wondering if they knew what it meant. Of course, it seems like it would be obvious that they did, but oh no. My mother came to visit and I pointed this place out and then, embarrassingly, had to explain to her why I found it funny.

The moral of the story is…well, there is not moral. But I really hope an awesome gay couple owns that particular antiques shop.

That has nothing really to do with today’s post, except I was thinking of nicknames for boy parts and that was the first one I thought of. And as you learned from the last post I tend to digress.

So, here we are with the long awaited post on boy parts. Perhaps you have been thinking that is was pointless. I mean, what is so complicated about boy parts? Not a lot, but I have been surprised to learn that there are some women who don’t know how to handle them. As far as I know I have never had a problem with this personally, but I do know that I still learn new things all the time about what makes them happy. The parts, not the boys. I mean, it makes the boys happy for the moment.

Basics. There are two kinds of penises. Yep, two. Ok, there are LOTS of variations of course, but we are talking basics here.

1.       1. Circumcised (or cut)
2.       2, Uncircumcised (or uncut)

The majority of American women are only familiar with the first type. This is because we are one of the only countries that practices circumcision for non-religious reasons. (Canadians, help me out. Do  you still do it up there?) Men born in other countries are usually au natural. While on this topic let me say that with modern hygienic practices there is really no health reason for circumcision (possible exceptions for non hygienic reasons). However, I read a study saying that boys should be the same as their father so that they do not think theirs is weird.

Since I married a man born in South America I am familiar, quite, with the second type. I have had girlfriends ask me what it was like. This is what I tell them. It’s like it has on a turtleneck, a long one that you can pull up over your face. Sort of. But when aroused it is not different than the first type. Really, there is nothing to be bothered about though. In fact a foreskin (the turtleneck part) makes for really easy handjobs.* Also, I have found that men who are not cut tend to be more sensitive than other men. I think this is because their schlong is not directly bumping up against things all day long so it retains more sensation? Who knows. I have not done a formal study or anything.

Ok. Then there are the berries. Testicles. Balls. Nuts. (FYI: My daughters discovered the word nuts recently. My house will never be the same.) Most men have 2. Some have one. Usually this is due to an injury, but occasionally one does not descend when they are a boy. Either way, it doesn’t matter, everything still works fine. You should know this: not all men like them played with. Most do. Especially when performing oral. However, there are some men who are too sensitive and it can hurt to play too much with the junk.

This seems to be where the majority of women’s knowledge ends. And most men are happy if you just know that much. But you know what makes them really happy? When you show them something even they didn’t know they liked! The following are things your man may or may not have discovered on his own.

First of all the penis does not end at the balls. Behind the balls is the region commonly known as “the taint.” We have this too, between the vag and anus. If you massage a man there you can feel that the shaft of the penis extends under the skin there. And they LOVE it. Do whatever you wish to this area, they will be pleased. If he is not as excited as you are, or you are going for round two, this is a good area to get things really standing at attention.

The other end gets the most attention. The head of the penis is, of course, very sensitive. The most sensitive part, probably of the entire penis is the frenulum. This is the area on the underside of the head where it forms a ‘v.’ Don’t overuse this little trick. This is where you want to tease him a bit but not overdue it or it might get old. At least that’s my idea. Maybe I am wrong. Men? While there also remember that the underside of the penis is more sensitive than the top. Just a tip. (No, the whole length, but you get what I mean.)

Finally there are the areas he probably hasn’t explored on his own, or that he won’t admit to exploring. That’s right, the back door. Many men will firmly refuse to experiment here. If that’s the case, don’t push it. If he is willing then you should know that area is great for men. I plan to go into great detail about this at a later date so I will just sum up now. Outer massage is nice. If he is willing, though, you can find is own g-spot. Actually, it’s a p-spot. The prostate. It is about a finger’s length inside between the anus and the penis. And if you massage that it will send him to the moon. Trust me.

So there you have it. Men are not quite as simple as we make them out to be. At least their organs aren’t

*Be sure not to tug too hard or the skin can tear.