Twig and Berries: The Boy Parts Post

So, before I start I have sort of a funny story about “twig and berries” that I have to share.

When I was 8 months pregnant with daughter #2 we sold our house. Long story, but basically we ended up living an hour north in a different state for 2 months because a work friend of my ex husband had a rental property we were allowed to live in. The closest town with groceries was about half an hour away. One day while driving down a main thoroughfare in town I noticed a lovely sign. It was sage green with twigs painted on it sprinkled with lovely red berries. I have often seen such twigs used to decorate and never really added two and two (which I am sure you have done) together until that day. On a side note many times other twigs with pussy willow on them are used to decorate.  Yes, I am a 12 year old boy. What made it click in my mind was the name of the shop, which was an antiques shop, “Twig and Berries.” I cannot make this up! They named a store that!!! I can’t help wondering if they knew what it meant. Of course, it seems like it would be obvious that they did, but oh no. My mother came to visit and I pointed this place out and then, embarrassingly, had to explain to her why I found it funny.

The moral of the story is…well, there is not moral. But I really hope an awesome gay couple owns that particular antiques shop.

That has nothing really to do with today’s post, except I was thinking of nicknames for boy parts and that was the first one I thought of. And as you learned from the last post I tend to digress.

So, here we are with the long awaited post on boy parts. Perhaps you have been thinking that is was pointless. I mean, what is so complicated about boy parts? Not a lot, but I have been surprised to learn that there are some women who don’t know how to handle them. As far as I know I have never had a problem with this personally, but I do know that I still learn new things all the time about what makes them happy. The parts, not the boys. I mean, it makes the boys happy for the moment.

Basics. There are two kinds of penises. Yep, two. Ok, there are LOTS of variations of course, but we are talking basics here.

1.       1. Circumcised (or cut)

2.       2, Uncircumcised (or uncut)

The majority of American women are only familiar with the first type. This is because we are one of the only countries that practices circumcision for non-religious reasons. (Canadians, help me out. Do  you still do it up there?) Men born in other countries are usually au natural. While on this topic let me say that with modern hygienic practices there is really no health reason for circumcision (possible exceptions for non hygienic reasons). However, I read a study saying that boys should be the same as their father so that they do not think theirs is weird.

Since I married a man born in South America I am familiar, quite, with the second type. I have had girlfriends ask me what it was like. This is what I tell them. It’s like it has on a turtleneck, a long one that you can pull up over your face. Sort of. But when aroused it is not different than the first type. Really, there is nothing to be bothered about though. In fact a foreskin (the turtleneck part) makes for really easy handjobs.* Also, I have found that men who are not cut tend to be more sensitive than other men. I think this is because their schlong is not directly bumping up against things all day long so it retains more sensation? Who knows. I have not done a formal study or anything.

Ok. Then there are the berries. Testicles. Balls. Nuts. (FYI: My daughters discovered the word nuts recently. My house will never be the same.) Most men have 2. Some have one. Usually this is due to an injury, but occasionally one does not descend when they are a boy. Either way, it doesn’t matter, everything still works fine. You should know this: not all men like them played with. Most do. Especially when performing oral. However, there are some men who are too sensitive and it can hurt to play too much with the junk.

This seems to be where the majority of women’s knowledge ends. And most men are happy if you just know that much. But you know what makes them really happy? When you show them something even they didn’t know they liked! The following are things your man may or may not have discovered on his own.

First of all the penis does not end at the balls. Behind the balls is the region commonly known as “the taint.” We have this too, between the vag and anus. If you massage a man there you can feel that the shaft of the penis extends under the skin there. And they LOVE it. Do whatever you wish to this area, they will be pleased. If he is not as excited as you are, or you are going for round two, this is a good area to get things really standing at attention.

The other end gets the most attention. The head of the penis is, of course, very sensitive. The most sensitive part, probably of the entire penis is the frenulum. This is the area on the underside of the head where it forms a ‘v.’ Don’t overuse this little trick. This is where you want to tease him a bit but not overdue it or it might get old. At least that’s my idea. Maybe I am wrong. Men? While there also remember that the underside of the penis is more sensitive than the top. Just a tip. (No, the whole length, but you get what I mean.)

Finally there are the areas he probably hasn’t explored on his own, or that he won’t admit to exploring. That’s right, the back door. Many men will firmly refuse to experiment here. If that’s the case, don’t push it. If he is willing then you should know that area is great for men. I plan to go into great detail about this at a later date so I will just sum up now. Outer massage is nice. If he is willing, though, you can find is own g-spot. Actually, it’s a p-spot. The prostate. It is about a finger’s length inside between the anus and the penis. And if you massage that it will send him to the moon. Trust me.

So there you have it. Men are not quite as simple as we make them out to be. At least their organs aren’t

*Be sure not to tug too hard or the skin can tear.

The Post in Which I Digress

If  you read any of my tabs on this blog you know that I started this with a particular subject in mind. Sex and dating. And that is still what I want from this blog, sort of. But tonight I decided to digress a little, as I may do from time to time again, and be the real me.

I like things organized. I like lists. I made a lot of topic lists for this blog before I even got started. The problem is that I am NOT an organized person. I desperately want to be. So I had a certain organization in mind for this blog. But what has happened is that in a short time I have already gotten bored by myself. I am not me when I am trying to be all super librarian (Yes, I actually was a librarian for 3 years actually. An incredibly unorganized one.), I am someone else. Someone less entertaining. Because, really, I am a train wreck. And who doesn't love a good trainwreck.

I cam to this epiphany only a few moments ago. It was 6pm on a Friday night. My kids are with their dad this weekend. I have had the day off. I am already in my pajamas. Cooking bacon for dinner, burnt bacon (burnt on purpose because I have a pork intolerance and overcooking bacon makes it safe for me. It's like tree bark. Delicious, heavenly tree bark. Except that last piece which was more like burnt tree bark. Not as good.). I am having burnt bacon, and nothing else, because I am out of food. I planned to go to the store today. That didn't happen. Neither did a few other chores I meant to do.

What DID I do? Watched some hulu.com, did a few dishes, cleaned the litter box (which was then immediately exploded in by one cat who must have had something BAD to eat), picked up a kid from school because she said it hurt when she peed, but it was just a scratch, and caught up on my new favorite blog, Hyperbole and a Half.

If you have not read this blog you must. Right now. No!!! WAIT! As soon as you are done reading THIS blog. Reading this blog I realized a few things.
1. I am not nearly as clever/funny/adorable as I wish I was.
2. Even though I am a single mom in her 30s I live much like a 20 something with no kids. (Only I don't have the body of a 20 something with no kids sadly.)
3. I want Allie (the blogger) to be my little sister.

So while I read her blog I occasionally paused to stare at the 2 loads of clean laundry that has sat, unfolded, on my couch for two days. I got up to clean cat barf, which I would have ignored if it had not been in my immediately proximity (I know, gross.). I obsessed over a guy who is completely insane and worthless but who told me that I have too much drama going on. I worried that my house may be reported to the producers of Hoarders. I fantasized that I could change said worthless man to be the man for me. (I said it was a FANTASY! I know it ain't gonna happen!) And I wished I were indeed Allie, only I didn't live in Montana.

Oh...almost forgot. I also took a test online and discovered I may have adult ADHD. Cool.

So, as  you can see, THIS mommy really NEEDS love. And it will be no small feat to find a man to love her.

Now I will go have some ice cream for the rest of my dinner. Women need a lot of calcium!

The Basics: A Guide To Your Girlie Parts

In the short time I have been selling "marital aides" at home parties I have been shocked to discover how much some women don't know about their own bodies, or their partners'. I have decided that before we can delve into topics pertaining to sex we need to be clear on all the parts that may be involved. We will start with the girl parts.

If you are someone who knows it all please bear with me here. And please read, you may not know everything. If you don't know something I talk about here don't feel bad. You are not alone. And I didn't know all of this naturally. I am curious, especially about sexual issues, and have picked things up here and there. I may be missing some things. If I am, and especially if I am misinformed please let me know.

Here we go. Let's start with the girl bits. I started reading romance novels when I was just in 8th grade. I took them from my grandmother's house. Some were quite graphic. But, they didn't use proper terms or tell us where things were actually located. There was a lot of talk about a woman's button, her pearl, her nub, her center of pleasure. I just assumed this was somewhere deep inside. I had no idea. Of course, I really DID know. I had discovered this particular part as a child. It felt funny when it got touched. I thought, incorrectly, that it was where you pee from. In fact I thought this until I was in college. I realized that a vagina was different. It is where the babies came out. And your period. But I thought where you pee was this little spot a bit further north. No. This is your clitoris. In my defense I should say that mine is quite small, even when I am aroused. Had it been something that swells to any extent I might have been more curious about what it actually was. I remember not wanting boys to touch it since I got UTIs easily and I thought that might give me one. (MAN!! I missed out on a lot!)

On this same note I should say that I have heard of other women who also don't know exactly where we pee from. Men pee and ejaculate from the same hole. I have met women who believed that we do too. If you think this, you are not alone. In fact though, there are two holes just by each other. And the opening of our urethra (where we pee from) is not easily detected unless you are really probing.

As well as these parts there is the labia. We have the inner labia (around the opening of our vagina) and the outer labia (the part that covers up and protects it all). Now I mentioned that my clitoris is small. Everyone is different. There are women in the world who have a clit that is like a small penis. We all should be so lucky. The same goes for labia. They come in all sized and colors. Let's start with the outer labia. If you have ever watched porn you may notice that none of the women seem to have ANY outer labia. I think they have it surgically removed. I mean, its a freak show! There are NO labias in porn. But really, some women are made like this. Some women are more fleshy. Then there is the inner labia. Some are just small little flaps. Some are much larger, and even have to be kind of pulled out of the way. Most of us fall somewhere in between these two extremes. What is interesting is that this is an area of fetish for some. This skin in particular is very elastic. It can be stretched to become quite large. There are special weights for this very purpose. There are people who enjoy this very much. This is one of many examples this blog will provide of something one person might find unpleasant and another person might find very erotic. The point here is that no one should feel insecure about the size, shape or position of your naughty parts. They are sexy. Period.

This pretty much covers what's on the outside. The only thing left would be the anus. I am fairly confident that we all know where this is. And yes, this IS a naughty part. I plan to do a whole post on that one day so we won't go into too much detail now. I will mention that the area between the vagina and anus, the perineum (also called the taint) is also very sensitive and should not be overlooked.

Before we move on to inside parts lets talk about hair. This is another issue of personal preference as well as genetic heritage. Some of you have a sprinkling of hair up front and not much else. Some of you will have a huge bush that extends down the thighs and up the bum crack. And again, in general, most of us fall between these extremes. Thanks to porn the current ideal is to be smooth. Girls like me, who suffer form serious ingrown hairs and razor burn might not be happy about this issue and settle for a compromise somewhere. It's all personal. If you have hair ALL over then its ok. And its not just between our legs and under our arms that we have hair. As a girl I thought I was a freak because of hair around my belly button and nipples. I still am a bit insecure about it. I even had a bunch of electrolysis on my belly button that didn't work. But it happens. And I am learning to accept it.

Now we come to the inside parts. Most people think of one thing. The G-spot. There is talk it doesn't exist. There is talk that its hard to find. First off, it's real. For more information about this mysterious spot click here. The g-spot is inside, about a fingers length in, and along the top (the side closest to your belly) of your vagina. The more its rubbed the more it swells and can be felt. In general we all have this in the same area. It may take some probing around to see if yours is more to the left or deeper, but its there. This is the spot where female ejaculation comes from. There will be more about this in the future.

Another spot that is not generally thought of as a naughty part is our cervix. This is where the vagina meets the uterus. Usually this spot is not felt during intercourse unless you are will a particularly well endowed man. Just before or during your period though, it will drop lower. Also, after having kids it can also drop lower permanently. If it drops so low you can feel it by slipping one finger in you should have it looked at. It may be prolapsed. This means it is trying to find its way out of your body and something should be done. Some of us have a very tender cervix. And before a period it will be more tender than other times. However, some might have a less tender, but more sensitive cervix. Meaning it can be stimulated. Massaging the cervix can feel very erotic for some women and is said to even cause orgasms in a few. If you want to find out if this is the case for you start out slowly and gently. You do not want want to learn that its too tender the hard way.

One other warning. I recently learned this from personal experience. The cervix can bleed easily. Often this is the release of menstrual blood. It can, however, also be injured and bleed excessively. I went through a phase where every time I had sex I bled. I mean, the bed looked like a crime scene. I never felt the bleeding or any pain. I talked to my doctor a few times, but we chalked it up to some other issues I had been dealing with. Finally he took a look. Apparently the vagina and uterus are made up of different cells. Where they meet its sort of like a seem. My seem had a tear. And it bled freely. They had to cauterize this. It hurt like a mother&#^#@ but only for a few seconds. And all better. No problems since. Never be afraid to really talk to your doctor and and make them find what's wrong. You will be grateful. This is an area you really want to be healthy.

I think I have just about covered it. At least the hooha. I realize there are many other naughty parts on the body, but this is where I wanted to clear things up. Did I teach you anything? Did I forget anything? Did I get anything wrong? I thought about adding a diagram but decided against it.

In a few days we will talk about the boy bits. Should I use a diagram for that or not? I am listening, readers. What do you want?

Mommy, Where are your pants?

A lot of things change when you have kids, not the least of which is your sex life. Most childless people know this. Sort of. I don't think they really think about all of the ways it really changes. As parents we just can't anticipate what embarrassing moment will be coming next. Today I was reading a blog post from one of my Twitter friends and fellow blogging moms (You really should click HERE to read her blog! She's great.) and thought of one of those things you just take for granted before you have kids. Being naked in your own room.

You might think its common sense to not run around naked in your home after kids are born, but most pre-Mommies and Daddies still naively assume that their room will be their sanctuary. Au contraire, mon amies. (Seriously have no idea if that is spelled right and too lazy to google it.) You might say you will lock the doors. You might think your kids will just be well trained. But no matter what you do those kids are gonna get in someday. And most likely it will be at the exact moment you don't want them to.

One night I got up after a nice romp to go to the bathroom. I had on a tshirt and nothing else, but it was the middle of the night. You might, like me, think this is a safe time to streak straight across the hall. Oh no. My oldest, about 5 at the time, must have heard my door open. "Why don't  you have on panties, Mommy?" I think I came up with some genius response like how I was changing and had to pee before I finished. Who knows.

And of course daddy's are more likely to get caught since they are more likely to be naked. Take this for example: (Another great Twitter/Blog friend) My kids often caught Daddy naked as smaller tykes, but he finally got self conscious when they started "Ewwww"ing at his naughty parts. True story. Let's hope they always think that way.

And then there is the issue of how open you want to be with your body around your kids. I don't want my kids to think being naked is wrong or bad, but I also don't want them to walk around naked in front of strangers. This has happened. My youngest, almost 6, recently changed clothes in front of a neighbor boy who was over playing for the first time. He looked a little traumatized and his mother didn't think the story was nearly as funny as I did. So when they were little we were fine being naked in front of them when we were just out of the shower, etc. At a certain point, because I have two girls, Dad tucked it away and they didn't see his parts again. As another girl though I am ok with them seeing me naked sometimes.

My mother was NEVER naked in front of me. Maybe I am too comfortable? I want them to see that bodies are all sizes and its ok, in front of other women and especially those related to you, to be naked. I want them to feel comfortable in their skin. Of course the smallest child is doing her best to make Mommy uncomfortable in her own skin. Here is another true story from my house:

I was getting dresses and she strolls in and asks me about my hair "down there." I explained (as I know I have a few times) that she will have it too someday. She then lets out the biggest, Joan Rivers inspired, "Well!!!" and hands on hips exclaims, "It's a good think Daddy never sees you naked then!!!" The judgement in her tone floored me! After explaining that Daddy did indeed see me naked when we were married I shooed her out of my room to dress in peace. Now, I have been a little slack in my grooming since Mommy isn't getting any, but man! That kid made me feel like I have rain forest monkeys living in that jungle.

I wish this post was more about advice on nudity and children, but I have none. I don't know when the appropriate age is, if any, for a same sex child to stop seeing you naked. I have NO idea how to keep from being caught half naked in your sleep or after some good nookie. In fact, I am asking, nay begging, you, my readers, for advice. What is the protocol in your house?

Where did the Love go?

All couples who are in a long term relationship go through dry spell, children or not, but we parents seem to have longer ones than the rest of the world. When we are first together we can't get enough of each other. Maybe it stays that way for some people right up until the kids come. Maybe not, I don't know. See, the problem is that a lot of people aren't honest about it. I know I wasn't always forthright about my sex life. 

I grew up in a house where those things were VERY taboo. I never did get the "talk" when I was in my formative years. I learned it all on my own. My friends and I didn't share a whole lot either. I think I was a lot more sexually active than they were. My best friend was (and still is) a devout Mormon so I know she was a good girl. Even now, both of us mothers, we don't talk about it too much. (Though she is a little more open than when we were younger.) So basically I didn't have a group of girls to gossip about how things were going in bed with. 

When I moved to Connecticut in 2000 I had a whole new set of friend. They belonged to my husband. They were more open about things. The problem was that they were already moms and I wasn't. They were also a bit older than me. And we lived about an hour apart. There were a few conversations about sex and a lot of innuendos and that's it. I never really talked about it. I am the queen of innuendo but not with them. I found out once that they thought my husband and I were at it all the time. We were not. At this time I worked days and he worked nights. We had sex once a week usually. Sometimes we didn't. I didn't want to wait up and he didn't want to be woken early. And without seeing each other all week I was never in the mood. There was no romance left. I usually did it just to make him happy. I didn't dare tell anyone. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't even have kids yet and I never wanted sex. Well, not never, I wanted it, but it wasn't worth the effort to me. Of course now I realize there were more issues. Mainly that I was unhappy in my marriage and living in a world of denial about it. (We were separated a little over a year ago and are now divorced.)

Then it came time to have a baby and we did it a lot. I wanted that baby! He was happy and its not like I didn't enjoy it. I always did. I have never not liked sex. I just didn't always like it as much as sleep or watching television. (I know, men, that's HORRIBLE and I am now appropriately ashamed.) But then the pregnancy came. 

I have heard of women who at some point in their pregnancy get really horny. Not me. Not either pregnancy. I had great pregnancies. No morning sickness really. No high blood pressure. Other than the stretch marks and being pretty much pregnant from head to toe I was fine. But I did NOT want sex. 

And then the kids. I plan to right a post dedicated to post partum issues and sex so I won't go into detail, but I will say that sex after my first child was very difficult. And when it got better I didn't really want it anymore. Of course I was tired with a kid. And then I wanted another. My ex was good about it for the most part. He knew how tired I was and only whined a little bit. I still tried to give in as much as I could muster and we had sex 2-3 times a month. 

Before I end my personal part of this blog I want to say that things did indeed get better. I discovered a few hormonal issues on my part and more than that realized there were a lot of emotional issues. At one point I just left that behind and started trying to feel sexy (How? We will get to that. Keep following my blog.) and sex got better and much more frequent. Still mostly happening only on the weekends, but more than once and almost every weekend. Pretty good for a married couple, especially one who were destined to part ways. 

The details of my story are unique to me, but I imagine resonate with a lot of you readers. If nothing else you get that when you are tired you would rather sleep, or veg out to Gray's Anatomy, than have sex most of the time. And most likely when you take the time to actually have sex you remember that you really like it. You think, "Why am I not doing this more often?" And then you get tired again and forget. Well, if you are a woman you do. This really rarely applies to men. Most men could go 3 days on no sleep and feel like the living dead but if you offer sex they are all for it. (If not then you have a special case and I will have to research that post. I am not used to that personally.)

For the most part its the mommies who are herding tiny screaming maniacs all day while the daddies are off at a nice peaceful place of business. (Ok, yes, sometimes its the reverse. And yes, I realize that work is not peaceful, but I have been a SAHM

Here's the biggest secret. The more you have sex the more you want it and vice versa. When you just give in because you are tired of the whining (And guys, really, stop whining! It's so unattractive. Do you really only want pity sex once a month? Stop it.) you aren't going to really enjoy it like you used to. But, if you give in more often then you will be giving in less and less and asking for it more and more. 

That sounds simplistic. And it is. There are dozens of other issues surrounding our lack of sex drive. I know this, but sheesh, people, if I write about all of it now I will have nothing else to write. So for now, keep this in mind. Make an effort to have sex. Even if you aren't feeling it. And this is not just me talking. I am no one. I have actually read this somewhere. (Ok, I have NO idea where, but I don't read Cosmo so its NOT from there.) And what harm can it do? You make your husband/partner feel a little more sexy? Don't we all want that? And if you are thinking, "Well, he should make me feel sexy too!" just remember, this man is begging you for sex. You. Not someone else. .You. He thinks you are dead sexy. He drools over you. He imagines you naked all the time. I can guarantee that. (Sure, he might also imagine Scarlett Johanssen and Eva Mendez but you are on that list too. Not too shabby.) He may not know how to show it, but he worships you. The least you can do is get naked with him more often. That's all they really want. They are soooo easy!!!

Let's Talk About Sex...you know you are gonna sing that all day now!

So, tell me the truth. How often do you do it? And don’t ask, “Do what?” You know what I mean… IT. If it’s less than once a week and you’re in a relationship, are not more than 7 months pregnant and don’t have a child under the age of 1 then you need me. (And even if you are any of those things I might have advice for you too!)

Don’t get me wrong; I am not here to judge. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with you. I am just saying that you may have forgotten just how much you actually enjoy the act. Or maybe you never really did, in which case you need me even more. It takes more work for some than for others and there is no shame in that. And once you learn and you teach your partner the right buttons to push (physically and emotionally) then things will fall right into place. And when you start making time to enjoy your partner, or yourself, intimately on a more regular basis you might just find its worth not doing those dishes tonight, or losing a half hour of sleep or paying a babysitter for the night off.

Let me start by saying that my sex life has not always been perfect, not is it now. There was a time, years even, when sex was an obligatory act I allowed my husband to partake in to keep him from being a total a**hole. The details of this story will have to wait for another time, though. My point is that anyone can go through a dry spell, especially mothers. And sometimes motherhood is so distracting we don’t even realize that we are missing out on one of the best parts of being alive and in a loving relationship. And I feel that no one should miss out on the better parts of life.

To this end I have shared some of my personal stories with friends. I have researched a lot online. I have explored alternative sexual practices (that’s not as scary as it sounds). I have also started selling adult novelties part time with one of those party plan companies. One of the best direct selling companies (possibly THE best) I have heard of and I have sold for 4 other companies in the past. Not only have I had fun (and made money), but I also have realized how many women are not comfortable with their own sexuality. Many don’t even know what some of the basic parts of men and women are and what they are for. Don’t scoff. You may not really know either. And that’s ok. I hope to correct that though.

That is what this journey together is for. We are going to talk about some basic, but very important aspects of sex. And we are going to talk about the changes we go through after becoming mothers, both physically and emotionally. And we are going to talk about some taboo topics that may not be for you, but you might just find they are. So stick with me people. We ARE going to have fun. And we all might learn something, me included.

One last thing: as I write there may be times I have to use biological/medical terms to teach what I am going for. BUT, on the main I will be using silly slang terms. Why? Because it is WAY more fun to say “hoohoo” than “vagina.” 

Why Should You Read This?

Good question. Another good one is: Why am I writing this?

It's simple. I am a mom and I like sex. Sometimes that can be a bit of a quandary. And as a new mom I didn't really like it that much. That was a strain on my marriage that I think we never recovered from. We have since divorced.

I imagine yet another question: "How can you talk about this in such a public way?" Because not enough people do.

I am a very open person, but when I was struggling with the loss of my libido I didn't talk about it. People assumed everything was ok. I didn't even want to talk to my spouse about it. It was embarrassing to me. I felt like I was lacking in some way. But the details of this are for another time.

I should say up front as well that, yes, I am a Christian. I was raised in a very strict Protestant church and I still attend this type of church. I have started to reconcile my interest in sexuality and my own desires with my beliefs, but I am working on that. I might talk about that on here from time to time so bear with me. I won't turn this into a religious platform, but I feel like you really can't discuss sexuality without religion. I am very open to opinions and views from other religions.

I am writing anonymously because there will be some discussion of situations I have been in that I don't wish family to know about. And I know some members of my family will be shocked by this content. I hope that any of my readers who know me personally can respect my wish for anonymity.

As we proceed you will see that I am a big fan of sex. I think sex is good for you. And I also think that any sexual relationship between 2 consenting adults, or with yourself, is healthy. Nothing is off limits here (as long as it's legal) and I hope my readers will respect that we all have our personal desires and fantasies. We may not feel comfortable with a certain topic, but that does not mean its a bad thing. Let's be open minded and explore here.

Exploration is the key to keep your sex life alive and if you can laugh while you explore then all the better. I hope to make you laugh on our journey here together, but I admit, I am not going to be trying out for Last Comic Standing any time soon. Many of my past exploits have been known to make my friends squirt their drink out their nose, however. It's when I am not trying that I am the funniest, unfortunately.

So, here we go, ladies and gentlemen.  I hope you enjoy the ride. And please, share this blog with your friends, follow me on twitter, be my fan on facebook. Show me the love, people. This mommy needs love too!

Site Under Construction