August 26, 2010

Mommy, Where are your pants?

A lot of things change when you have kids, not the least of which is your sex life. Most childless people know this. Sort of. I don't think they really think about all of the ways it really changes. As parents we just can't anticipate what embarrassing moment will be coming next. Today I was reading a blog post from one of my Twitter friends and fellow blogging moms (You really should click HERE to read her blog! She's great.) and thought of one of those things you just take for granted before you have kids. Being naked in your own room.

You might think its common sense to not run around naked in your home after kids are born, but most pre-Mommies and Daddies still naively assume that their room will be their sanctuary. Au contraire, mon amies. (Seriously have no idea if that is spelled right and too lazy to google it.) You might say you will lock the doors. You might think your kids will just be well trained. But no matter what you do those kids are gonna get in someday. And most likely it will be at the exact moment you don't want them to.

One night I got up after a nice romp to go to the bathroom. I had on a tshirt and nothing else, but it was the middle of the night. You might, like me, think this is a safe time to streak straight across the hall. Oh no. My oldest, about 5 at the time, must have heard my door open. "Why don't  you have on panties, Mommy?" I think I came up with some genius response like how I was changing and had to pee before I finished. Who knows.

And of course daddy's are more likely to get caught since they are more likely to be naked. Take this for example: (Another great Twitter/Blog friend) My kids often caught Daddy naked as smaller tykes, but he finally got self conscious when they started "Ewwww"ing at his naughty parts. True story. Let's hope they always think that way.

And then there is the issue of how open you want to be with your body around your kids. I don't want my kids to think being naked is wrong or bad, but I also don't want them to walk around naked in front of strangers. This has happened. My youngest, almost 6, recently changed clothes in front of a neighbor boy who was over playing for the first time. He looked a little traumatized and his mother didn't think the story was nearly as funny as I did. So when they were little we were fine being naked in front of them when we were just out of the shower, etc. At a certain point, because I have two girls, Dad tucked it away and they didn't see his parts again. As another girl though I am ok with them seeing me naked sometimes.

My mother was NEVER naked in front of me. Maybe I am too comfortable? I want them to see that bodies are all sizes and its ok, in front of other women and especially those related to you, to be naked. I want them to feel comfortable in their skin. Of course the smallest child is doing her best to make Mommy uncomfortable in her own skin. Here is another true story from my house:

I was getting dresses and she strolls in and asks me about my hair "down there." I explained (as I know I have a few times) that she will have it too someday. She then lets out the biggest, Joan Rivers inspired, "Well!!!" and hands on hips exclaims, "It's a good think Daddy never sees you naked then!!!" The judgement in her tone floored me! After explaining that Daddy did indeed see me naked when we were married I shooed her out of my room to dress in peace. Now, I have been a little slack in my grooming since Mommy isn't getting any, but man! That kid made me feel like I have rain forest monkeys living in that jungle.

I wish this post was more about advice on nudity and children, but I have none. I don't know when the appropriate age is, if any, for a same sex child to stop seeing you naked. I have NO idea how to keep from being caught half naked in your sleep or after some good nookie. In fact, I am asking, nay begging, you, my readers, for advice. What is the protocol in your house?


  1. Oh, my word. This is funny's.true. Worst for me was taking my then 5YO into a public bathroom stall with me. She chose that opportunity to ask about why I had "hair down there." Complete with a commentary on the color. Did I mention there was a line outside snickering when we emerged?

  2. Hahaha!! Girl! You are making me blush! Seriously, though, good words, good words. I have two boys and I've got to get all of that room privacy stuff settled soon. They are 2 & 5. Anyway, this was a fun post! I will be back...

  3. Crackin' me up! I'm a nudist at heart. Always have been, always will be. It started about age 13 not being able to sleep with clothes on (I get severely claustrophobic and clothes tend to 'wrap' around me b/c I'm a violent sleeper.) Anywho my friends know to ALWAYS call first b/c if you just show up and all I have on is a tee shirt- your lucky. Once the kids came ( ages 2 and 7months both girls) I breastfed so naked was not an issue. I will admit- my toddler sleeps with us so I do wear panties to bed (b/c thats kinda gross not to with you kid in bed with you) but trust me, they see this Mama naked PLENTY! I think it's rubbing off on them too- my husband often comes home to all three of his girls in panties and tee shirts. *note* I have 15 acres and NO neighbors- if that helps any ;-). And the hubby? he's no nudist- underoos at all times and shorts and shirt if he's not in bed.

  4. I'd like to be naked all the time, but, alas, I have a house full of little boys, so nakey time will have to wait at least another 17 years.

    My kids have yet to catch us rockin' the sheets, mainly because it seems we never rub ankles anymore. We're either too tired or a baby's teething or a kid's decided he can't sleep in his own bed.

    I hope that doesn't have to wait another 17 years or my nether regions will shrivel up and go into a coma!

    Great post!